Wednesday, January 31, 2007

You Can't Always Get What You Want - Pottery The End For Now

Like the Rolling Stone song, I couldn't always get what I wanted. But hey, shit happens and we make the best of what we get, mostly.

Life at the cabin was humming away smoothly and business was great. I sometimes had trouble keeping up making some of the best selling items and I was a happy hippy. I also did a summer outdoor sale every summer and got involved in the Studio Tour.

In May 2000 my Dad passed away and my Mom required more attention. I found commuting between Haliburton and T-Dot on a weekly basis difficult and even though my sweetie brought Mom up on some weekends I struggled. The other thing that knocked me for a loop was my own body. I started having horrible hip pain and back pains plus signs of carpel tunnel on my right hand.

Finally in 2002 I was placed on a waiting list for a new hip. In 2003 I had carpel tunnel surgery on my right hand, and my back, well there wasn't much to do about that. An MRI showed that all my discs, save one, had deteriorated badly and surgery just wasn't an option. I still potted but not as much and I still worked on that tablecloth.

In the fall of 2003 it became apparent that my Mom could no longer live on her own and a promise I had made years before came into play. My husband and I decided to build an addition onto our home as a bedroom for her. He really is a sweetie, how many men would do that for their mother-in-law?

The only problem was that for the summer of 2004 I could not go to the studio at all. He needed me here in town to help (not physically) with the addition. I had to agree of course, it was a huge undertaking. I was responsible for building permits, dealing with inspectors, making lunches and coffee for the workers and just generally taking care of all phone calls. The backhoe hit the ground May 15 and the addition was finished in September of 2004. Mom loves it and is very happy here.

On October 15Th, of the same year I went under the knife, or chain saw actually and received a new hip. I haven't been near the studio since. That's not to say I haven't been up there, I opened the door one weekend with the intention of cleaning it up and maybe starting again and got so depressed I just closed the door and walked away.

I don't know, this last paragraph is turning into the hardest one to write. I am torn between spending the summer up north and my obligation to Mom. I know that I will stay in town for as long as she lives, and I hope it will be a long time, but the longing to be elsewhere and the guilt I feel for having this longing sometimes makes me feel even worse.

I know that someday, my time will come and the tablecloth, well it didn't become a full tablecloth but with 280 circles, it made a lovely runner and we use it a lot...The End



Blogger Jan said...

Hey, I've been there too. Its the hardest thing in the world, the guilt over not wanting the responsibility, yet not being able to live with yourself if you give up that responsibility. I finally just came to terms with it by realizing that I am what I am, no saint, but a pretty good woman who cares. You have to be able to live with yourself and your decisions.

February 2, 2007 at 9:57 PM  
Blogger Jan said...

Forgot to say, thats a lot of work for a tablerunner. Good thing its lovely.

February 2, 2007 at 9:58 PM  
Blogger Rositta said...

It's actually a big table, I'll take a picture and post it this weekend..ciao

February 2, 2007 at 10:09 PM  

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